(Source: imthatkindofgirl)

Searching for a meaning.

My name is Kayla Ann Lewis. I am 18 years old. And, I thought I’d take a bit of my time on this world to spread the word about this situation that has taken a huge toll on my life. This is not a call for help. This is not a call for attention towards myself. This is a call for attention towards this happening. Recently, I was raped. It took me a little while to come to terms with myself. But, I’m stronger now than I ever have been. My purpose is to help voice this situation many people have landed themselves in. Just now, I was told to express this. My way of expressing my feelings is through writing. This is the outcome;

Faint whispers echo through my head. Your breath moves against my neck. Every bit of my body starts to tremble, as I slowly realize what’s happening. A night going so well starts to fall apart. I watch in horror as you hold me down. I twist and turn in every direction. I fight and fight, but nothing happens. The word “Stop” does literally nothing, but I keep on repeating. I’m only mumbling, but I feel like I’m screaming. No one can hear me. No one can see this. Oh, how I wish for something to end this. Tears start to roll down my cheeks. And I try to think of a happier place. Some place where people like you don’t exist. And I don’t have to go through this nightmare. Anywhere. But that’s not the world we’re living in. You become breathless, holding my wrists down firm, as you moan a few times and finish inside of me. Not a care in the world because you used what was left of me. You let go and roll to the side. Then whisper a faint “Good night.” I squirm away and curl up into a ball. Thinking to myself a way to end it all. My world crumbles, everything turns black and white. Smiles don’t exist. Living with nothing but fright. Months go by. I live in shame. Then, just as I gave in. Someone pulled me up again. I’m stronger than before. I’m standing my ground. I won’t stop until you’re six feet down. You won’t do this to another soul again. I’m on a mission. And it won’t end, until you do.

It felt a lot better, writing this down. There’s still tremendous amounts of pain and fear left in me. But, I am tough. I’ll see this all through, and I hope to somehow help others that have gone through the same. Thank you for reading.